Friday, 20 April 2012


Battleship is a good film if all you want is to sit back on autopilot and have your eyes and ears flooded with explosions, loud noises and lots of special effects.  This is exactly what i expected it would be and to be honest i would be surprised if anyone else expects otherwise.  The basic idea is this: We build super satellite.  Super satellite sends signal to deep space.  Aliens receive signal and of course "come to get us."
      The start is sloooowww.  To begin with it has delusions that we need to know a lot about the lead character, and as such takes too long to get into the main storyline and action.  As I said, this is pure crash, bang, wallop and nothing else and consequently it didn't need the lengthy intro.  It does borderline sometimes on almost being a parody of itself (if you know what I mean).  This is because of the incredible volume of action film cliches.  It is almost saturated with them.  There were so many slow-motion sequences of people walking in a line and the camera panning up with them as they stood after being knocked over or something, that at times I thought there was a problem with the projector! You can sit there and spot which characters or events will feature later in the film, but again, this is what you should expect.  At one point some ex-seamen are called upon and I thought we had entered the "slo-mo" zone again, but no, they were just very old and couldn't walk at a normal pace!  In fact from that piece of the film forward, there is a clear recommendation for any ex-servicemen pensioners who have been screwed by the latest budget, as to how they can earn some coin.  I wont go further into that part as it may spoil it, but I'm sure you can imagine what happens.
     Another part where it almost teeters over the edge to fall into the realms of Scary Movie et.c is when another typical line is uttered by a character, only for another person to haul it back in by acknowledging the script is pushing it by saying "Who actually says that?"  This subsequent reply is very important though.  It shows the audience that it is not taking itself too seriously, and neither should the viewer.  This is also why I have repeatedly said that the film "almost" has too many cliches, why it "almost" teeters over the edge.  Due to it acknowledging its cliches, it doesn't go overboard and sink.  It keeps us entertained with huge effects, action cliches and the predictable course that  the story takes.
     Suffice to say that the two main characters, Alex Hopper and Samantha Shane (played by Taylor Kitsch and Brooklyn Decker respectively) do what's needed to be done without fuss.  Liam Neeson is there purely to add a name to the posters and to bark and shout at a few people, and all I shall say of Alexander Skarsgard is that those of you who know him from True Blood as a vampire, will find his vampiric abilities do not stretch to his character in this!
     At the end of the day you know what's coming with this movie.  If you don't think you will enjoy it, you wont.  If like me, you read a review which says it's loud, has big effects and has a rubbish script and acting, then like me you will enjoy it.  Of course it proves foolish for the aliens to think a race such as their's could travel vast distances across deep space and defeat us in our oceans....doesn't it? Or is it not THAT predictable.  Hey! You sunk my battleship!

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